you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
