Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
