oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
