I wanna passion pit in your ass
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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