i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
