East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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