you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
