last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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