addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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