I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
