"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
