just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
