U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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