Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
