I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
