My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
