I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
