I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
