Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
