i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
