I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
