Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
