6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
