Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
