We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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