why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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