you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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