It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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