so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
