so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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