She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
