Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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