Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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