im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
