Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
