You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
