I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
