Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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