What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
