A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
