yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
