Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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