i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm at about main and main street
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
