Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
