if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
