Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
