even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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