You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
