I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
