He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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