sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
