I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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