I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
