last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You dont lie about slip and slides
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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