i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he thought i was a dude.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just high enough for therapy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
