Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
