I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
