he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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