Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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