I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
