You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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